[FW] Coconut principle

What’s a better thing to do than the occasional lying on the sofa and watching your favourite movie?

“Stop it!”

“You stop it first!!”

That’s the last thing I would want to hear. My two daughters were having a really heated argument in their bedroom. And it sounded like a really heated argument. The moment right before someone was going to fire a phaser.

Now, what should you do? Ignore and continue your favourite movie? Go inside and claim your sovereignty? Signal your spouse in the hope that you can delegate?

Well, with carefully administered eyesight, I knew that I was the one being delegated.

If I ignored, most likely the movie would be ruined any way. Claiming sovereignty, you know better than me that the next scene would be crying children, and potentially cold war for a couple of days more. Further delegation? You even thought about it!

I went into the kitchen, open the fridge. Took out a young coconut. Strolled towards their bedroom. Turned the knob. Cut an opening just enough for the coconut. Slid the coconut inside in the most discreet manner. Closed the door. In gist, low key approach.

Sitting back my comfortable body on the sofa, I smiled in a confident manner.

Within seconds, the bedroom turned silent. I heard a quiet opening of the door. My rear sight mirror informed me that my daughter sneaked out and slowly placed the coconut behind the sofa. “Surprise,” I turned around and they said to me. Of course we burst into laughter for the rest of the evening.

At times all we need is a coconut. But what is the coconut?

The coconut is merely the ‘manifested excuse’. Its only function is to serve as mutual excuse for both parties to draw themselves away from the argument. It is a perceived external, obvious, objective reason to stop the argument and turn the attention to. The coconut, in this case.

Next time when you found yourself in a similar situation, when you don’t want to argue further, at the same time you just couldn’t surrender unconditionally, try to be a bit more creative, exercise your coconut principle.

Of course, after the heat was gone. “Girls, let’s talk about how we could have fixed the matter earlier on!”


http://www.educationpost.com.hk/resources/mba/130704-mba-people-coconut-principle
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Review:-

Root cause of conflict
1. Different goal and expectation
2. Interpersonal conflict
3. Uncertainty about authority

Conflict resolution mode
1. Withdrawal (avoidance)
2. Forcing (power)
3. Smoothing (suppression)
4. Negotiation (compromise)
5. Confrontation (problem solving)

Principled negotiation (Ury & Fish)
1. separation people from problem/issue
2. focus on interest
3. before try to reach agreement, invent option for mutual gain
4. insist on using objective criteria